Party Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'I'm turning fifty, balding and thirty pounds overweight. Quite frankly, I can't think of anything scarier than that'

Cow Pinatas

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Complementary Beverages

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'I'd say you're a little late...'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

Scarecrow jumps out of a birthday cake and then catches on fire.

War of Words

'But the invitation says 'come as you are'.'

"Harpy Hour."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

RIP: Here lies the last remains of civility and honesty in the political process.

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Hello, my name is Death'

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

Good Christians should be willing to die for President Trump."

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

'Pander to voters? Me?'

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

'I made you a layer cake.'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'This is a really low budget approach to stopping illegal immigration.'

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

"Leave the toilet."

Just a friendly gift.