Party Host With The Most T-Shirts

Acme Party Floss

"Does anyone have a little corner left for a mince pie?"

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

Tartine

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Wine Lady

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Shaken not stirred

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Sorry, miss. It seems to be stuck!'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Mini Bar

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

Budget Munchies

"Don't mention Pat Buchanan, pro or con."

'He's been shot!'

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

"That was my kind of party...good food, good people, good-bye."