Party Host With The Most Mugs

Acme Party Floss

"Does anyone have a little corner left for a mince pie?"

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

Tartine

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Wine Lady

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Shaken not stirred

'Sorry, miss. It seems to be stuck!'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Mini Bar

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'There's no mention of stuffing. Keep going until you get to the sugar and spice.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

Budget Munchies

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Don't mention Pat Buchanan, pro or con."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'He's been shot!'