Party Host T-Shirts

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Actually - they're my husband's gall stones!'

'The drinks cabinet is empty!'

Mini Bar

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

A bull bbq. Our host bull has on his 'joke' apron.

A Good Year.

'Now that's what I call a presumptuous wine!'

'I can see your Mother's Christmas lunch.'

Finger Food.

'You know, this is the second bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Friends don't let friends drink and call the ex.

'You can stop lecturing us about the wine, Ed - it evaporated.'

'Second-worst reaction to sulfites I have ever seen.'

Kissing after eating extra strong Camembert.

"Harold is demonstrating his string theory!"

The wine was fruity and quite lively.

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'He's been shot!'

'Now a lot of people throw the wax away, but if you can get yourself a can of Cheez Whiz, you can have fancy treats all night long!'

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

Halloween

"So what the heck am I? Chopped liver?"

Delicate Hopsitality Abused.

"Fetus?"

"It's impressive – I've just never seen a wine cellar consisting only of boxed wine."

Please Leave by 9

"A funny thing happened to me at work today."

"Some are curious … not mine."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"I'd like you to meet Phil and Marnie Schmidt, Sally and Dave Tuttle, Don Berenger, Kathy Leach, Ellie Cramer -- and Mike Kobrick, an advertising supplement."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"