Party Guest Extraordinaire T-Shirts

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

Tartine

Sloaney Pony.

Wine Lady

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Shaken not stirred

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Sorry, miss. It seems to be stuck!'

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

Mini Bar

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

Budget Munchies

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'He's been shot!'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

Please Leave by 9

'Brew?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

House Plant Party

A Good Year.

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

'Sir, the Christmas party is well prepared. We've got champagne, wine, beer, food and five canister of carpet cleaner.'

Happy Eightieth Birthday