Party Guest Extraordinaire Gifts

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

Tartine

Sloaney Pony.

Wine Lady

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Shaken not stirred

'Sorry, miss. It seems to be stuck!'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

Mini Bar

'There's no mention of stuffing. Keep going until you get to the sugar and spice.'

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Budget Munchies

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

'He's been shot!'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

A Good Year.

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Please Leave by 9

'Brew?'

House Plant Party

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Sir, the Christmas party is well prepared. We've got champagne, wine, beer, food and five canister of carpet cleaner.'

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

"It's not as bad as it looks. . .they're making you a birthday cake."

Happy Eightieth Birthday