Fun-loving Party Host Gifts

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Wine Lady

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

Pinata Trophies

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Mini Bar

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'He's been shot!'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

Roller Coasters

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

'Hello, my name is Death'

Please Leave by 9

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

A Good Year.

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

"At my birthday parties you call the shots, but out here you do as I say, soldier!"

'Notice the quintessential taste of Tuscany in this impressive little vintner we picked up on our last trip to Italy.'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'Now a lot of people throw the wax away, but if you can get yourself a can of Cheez Whiz, you can have fancy treats all night long!'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"Harold is demonstrating his string theory!"

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"Fetus?"

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'