Part-time Performer Gifts

I got a call from my agent so I have to step out for an audition. I'll be back before you are ready for dessert.

"Just for a while dear, we must part."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

In, out, shake it all about.

"Bruh, that is some SERIOUS kazoo."

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

Sailor boy

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"More helium."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'I'll do half of it.'

'Publisher recommends a good paper shredder.'

Pogo Cellist

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

'Let's get some play-doh and make happy masks.'

"If I were writing fulltime, I'd have three unpublished novels by now."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

'Turn me back into a lovely assistant right now Martin.'

Helium Guitar Festival

"I don't think air guitar counts."

Sale: Air guitar. As new.

Policeman

Naked Hamlet

'Hold' (an interpretative dance)

Pole dancing

"They always give us minimum-wage, part-time guys the riskiest jobs."

"Ruddy gig economy."

When applying for a part-time job in retail, try not to state the obvious.

"If you're part time here, what do you do the rest of the time?"

I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years.

'You only want to do it now when people are watching.'