Part-time Jogger Gifts

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

City Marathon.

7 brownies worth of exercise.

Running

'I want a refund. They only shuffle.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'Ok guys, here comes the first of the day...let the fun begin!'

Health

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

'Are we having fun yet?'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

Spinner luggage is fast becoming the city walker's, walking companion of choice. There's no stopping, no mess, nor butt sniffing, with the added bonus that it comes with you when you go on holidays. . ."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Rum and coke...why, what do you drink on a fun run?"

"Let's take it easy for the first two miles."

"I do my best thinking in the shower... do I need to run 5 miles a day in order to take one?"

"It's right about here that my socks fall down."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

"Madonna's out early this morning."

3. Proceed cautiously in the practice of yoga, as mistakes are hard to undo. 4. When jogging, watch your step. Too much steady pounding can result in a loosening of your internal organs and their slippage into one of your legs.

"Look, Honey! No teeth!"

'Here comes the 7:15...'

Studies show an optimistic attitude can add years to your life ? usually at the expense of everyone else around you.

'Get rid of those shoes, or I will never jog with you again.'

'He stated jogging to work.'

'When he said he was going to promote staff health and fitness and encourage a little weight loss I thought he'd be giving us gym passes.'

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

Sir, do you claim your new vitamin water has negative calories? Weight loss guaranteed. Want some? Just an explanation of how it works. You drink it, you lose weight. Simple. Also, you have to drink it while jogging or exercising vigorously for at least 30 minutes. Does it work for regulators from the Federal Trade Commission? Run away.

"He's like a Bill Gates without a Microsoft."