Tech-savvy Jogger Gifts

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

City Marathon.

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

Hiking sign - Stop, pause, play, skip forward, skip back

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

"Why didn't we think of that?"

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

A man shoots at a drone.

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

Questions Online

'Good grief! You'd think in this day and age they'd have found a way to make these things lighter.'

"I do my best thinking in the shower... do I need to run 5 miles a day in order to take one?"

He was under-performing so we replaced him with his Smart phone!

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

"It's a special golf bag for beginners - It has a built-in GPS."

"Hold on, the puck is coming this way."

"Tia Carmen, sticky notes on the fridge is so old-fashioned! Here...it's a digital recorder. You can tape all your notes on it."

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

'Dogs are such simple creatures... they can just focus on their ball for hours, completely oblivious to the world around them...' 'Whazzat?'

"New tricks CD Rom"

"That's the fourth 'wanted poster' for me. I miss the days when things didn't go viral."

Sports and new technologies

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

"Hacking your way through the jungle with one of those things is so last century, Federson."

"These tapes of nature are absolutely amazing. You really feel like you're in the forest."

"Too much information."

"Virtual workouts are getting so realistic."

Check out this brilliant photo. Not interested. I'll blow it up. It's high-concept. It's me and five friends on a hike. One friend took a picture of another. Then a third friend took a picture of those two, and so on. It's totally meta! Freeze! What? Zoom in on the side. What is that? It's Bigfoot! You were so consumed with your gadgets you missed Sasquatch?! Big deal. It's not like we had an extra camera for him. The proverbial big picture is very, very frightening.

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."