Parole Officer Gifts

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

'-or how about the end of September when the kids are back at school?'

'Eligible for parole ...? Tell me, what part of consecutive life sentences don't you understand?'

"The conditions of this parole are tough. Based on this, I would be afraid to even have bad cholesterol."

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'

'Fixing parking tickets is a local matter.'

'We are no longer called criminals. We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

'What is YOUR parole officer's body doing in MY refrigerator!?!'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

'Your record of community service is impressive. Too bad it's all court ordered.'

Musical request "Can you play 'Get me to my parole officer on time'?"

At least you have security!

'Hi honey, I'm home.'

'They're letting you out on parole. But I've spent the last two years digging an escape tunnel.'

'I'm seeking early parole so I can go on a book-signing tour.'

BOB THE MUGGER - Ring bell for service

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

'Want a cracker?'

'Well, it's not all bad. . . at least now we have a fixed address.'

'I'm your key worker.'

'A parole?! Why in the world would I want to be paroled into a bad double-dip recession?!'

'We just found out that we have the same parole officer!'

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

Vote for Joe Sims - This message has been approved by his parole board.

'Check out the date, ain't you up for your parole hearing tomorrow.'

'I'm very honest...It's a condition of my parole.'

R.B. Milmous - Eligible for parole in five years.

Big words in the big house.

"Getting out on parole is not a reason to have more than one dinner party."

"So unless one of you confesses, you'll all lose your privileges."

"Of the thousands of parole officers in this country, I get the one who's also a part-time veterinarian!"

"Hello. . . I'm new in town. Do you know where the local police station is? - I need to sign in. . !"

"I'm afraid I can't recommend anything, sir - that would be a parole violation."

"I think I should be granted early release because the system is so underfunded."