Parishioner Engager Gifts

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

The Russian Election.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Follow God On Twitter

"As slim as your chances are for salvation, it's nice to see you keep trying."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

Turn on chat. Delete conversation.

'She'd put 'The fear of God' into God himself!'

"Mr. Goodrich, it's time we called each other by our first names."

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

Masked Ball 2020

church

"When did we stop saying 'amen' and start giving the 'wave'?"

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

'Marriage isn't all bad, Shirley -- at least you'll be learning a trade.'

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"Brother Behan?! You would think the roof to fall in!"

"Do you offer a warranty?"

"What's the current return on investment?"

'I hate you already... let's get married.'