Parishioner Engager Pillows

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

The Russian Election.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Follow God On Twitter

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

"Mr. Goodrich, it's time we called each other by our first names."

'She'd put 'The fear of God' into God himself!'

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Masked Ball 2020

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

"When did we stop saying 'amen' and start giving the 'wave'?"

'Marriage isn't all bad, Shirley -- at least you'll be learning a trade.'

church

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

'Put it back. This isn't a 'Take a Penny, Leave a Penny' dish.'

"What's the current return on investment?"

"Brother Behan?! You would think the roof to fall in!"

"Do you offer a warranty?"

"Today's message really convicted me Preacher. Good thing church is only once a week."