Parish Prankster Gifts

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Chase me, chase me cows.

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

Nun Binning the Devil

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Om and Ommer

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

It is always something whenever Grandmother watches little Louis.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"Ahh, bless him. He's run out of bird feed for our little Blue Tits."

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Some recently de-classified nuclear secrets.

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Well, Billy; according to your dog's x-ray, he didn't eat your homework!"

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

'I'm not looking for treasure. I'm trying to find where I buried Dad.'

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'If you find any loose ones, I have dibs on them for the tooth fairy.'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

How to scare cats.

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."