Parenting Ride-or-dies Gifts

House Hold Accident

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

"No, son, there's no severance package."

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

"I couldn't find a sitter."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

Meals on Heels.

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"Support the head!"

"What part of this don't you understand?"

Site Safety: Minutes Since Last Accident.

'Satellite TV? You're spoiling that kid.'

'It's crazy what a peep will eat.'

"I told you not to have that boob job."

Are you calling 911?!

"I want something that will make my kids notice me. Do you have anything that smells like a phone?"

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

"The commute is rough today."

'My parents try so hard to do the right things for me, but, unfortunately, they're always wrong.'

Bring your child to work day.

'You'll have to excuse Graham, he sees his son as a role model.'

'That's no way to bring up a child.'