Ironic Parent-child Dynamics Gifts

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Are we there yet?'

Baby Hairstyles.

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'Do you think Mum and Dad are trying to keep an eye on us, by enroling on the same university course as us, Colin?'

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

Bubbies and technology

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

'Beats me why, but it's a sensitive subject: Some people will call you a Buffalo while others will call you a Bison...'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned susidiary of you and Mom?'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

'TB or not TB, that is the question.'

'We're totally against smacking but not adverse to 'moderate punishment.''

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

Kangaroo with multiple pockets for lots of children...

"I can't right now. I have to pick the kids up then eat them."

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"I only grown them because her mother's allergic to them."

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."