Funny Family Dynamics Gifts

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

'It's not a lie, Mom - it's virtual reality'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Relationship Warning Lights

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Children's Party

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"If we play house, Timmy, we can't live with my parents because..."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'You're texting? Wait--'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."