Parenting Perfectionists Gifts

'I just feel like we're setting him up to be disappointed in the real world.'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'We've hired a personal trainer to teach him how to play with his educational toys.'

Helicopter Parents Support Group: 'If everyone could just take a seat!'

Modern Parenting Olympic Scoring System

"The educational toys were a waste of money."

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'I'm not too sure about that.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I can 'YO', but the second 'YO' isn't working!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Perfection

My child is a genius.

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."