Preschool Perfectionist Gifts

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

'I can 'YO', but the second 'YO' isn't working!'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Perfection

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

'He's researching out-of-state kindergartens.'

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"You're welcome."

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

Parental Anxiety

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

'Mommy has made this astonishing cake just to get you to eat your peas and provide valuable insight for your therapist in twenty years.'

Parenting Wonks

"Come on, we're late. Your crosshatching looks fine."

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'