Parenting Irony Fan Pillows

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"I need to know who started it."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

End the Winter Blues

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chilly baby.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

"Michael, do your dinner."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

Gigolo Diary

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

'Fathers Day.'

"This dog has wheels!"

'My mom invented baths!'

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.