Parenting Irony Fan Pillows

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I need to know who started it."

End the Winter Blues

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chilly baby.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"Michael, do your dinner."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

'Fathers Day.'

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"This dog has wheels!"

'My mom invented baths!'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

Gigolo Diary

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"Could you please put my Mom on your no call list?"