Parenting In The Bleachers Gifts

'Geez, Dad! You never scream your lungs out at the refs! Don't you love me?!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Okay, but if you hadn't made me eat all those dumb vegetables, I wouldn't need to brush my teeth!'

'You should give her a bigger breakfast - She's just eaten my thermometer!'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'My pitcher needs to get fired up by the home crowd. Pass the collection basket.'

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

Bad Knees.

'Obnoxious. screaming kids,or non-obnoxious, screaming kids.'

Child reading book: Understanding Your Parents' Behavior.

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

'No, I haven't heard that the FDA has taken broccoli off the market.'

Are you calling 911?!

Smacking Machine.

'Oh, Daddy's old gun?... I think he's planning on showing it to you. He always said, it was there in case I ever brought a boyfriend home.'

'There are two concerns I have. your son disturbs the class every day except Friday, and your son always cuts class on Friday.'

'My teacher gives me a note to take home to my mother almost every day. I think they're pen pals.'

'Sixty eight seconds. Pretty weak, Dad.'

'She passed potty training!'

Sawmill workers league

Warning: adopt players as role models at your own risk...

"Mum thinks smoking is anti-social!"

'Junior's been bullied ...'

Drink?

'I don't know what all the fuss is about, all my babies have been designer.'

Zack and Max were injured in scrimmage today. Tough break. Not for me. Teddy! That's not good sportsmanship. It's nothing personal. More injuries and I'll be put in the game! Ahh! A strategic player.

'Kindergarten is supposed to be fun. You mustn't be doing it right.'