Parenting Trailblazers Gifts

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'The child is very illogical'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"How is it gendered?"

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'The stuka brought you.'

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

The conversion.

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

"Does it come with instructions?"

"I couldn't find the off switch."

Designer Baby.

"Support the head!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Which one's mine?!"