Parenting Trailblazers Gifts

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'The child is very illogical'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"How is it gendered?"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'The stuka brought you.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

The conversion.

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"Does it come with instructions?"

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

"Support the head!"

Designer Baby.