Parenting Ace Gifts

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

'You can yell your heads off. I now have aggravation insurance.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

The First Day Back

Fathers are Heroes

'The fifth rule of parenting. . . cross that bridge when you come to it.'

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."

Father's Day

'I came untucked.'

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

'No, you tell the kids they better do their homework, or else. They always think I'm bluffing.'

"Before this goes any farther, you should know that I have kids, and I'm old, and I live in a shoe."

MOMumental Achievements.

When we're first born, they clean up our drooling. When we can't swim, they help with our pooling. When halloween comes, they take us ghouling. When homework gets tough, they aid with our schooling. When it gets hot, they make sure we're cooling. Moms are the best! We thank you, no fooling!

"Ms. Thomas, you'll have to come pick up your son. He's swinging from the chandelier claiming that he can and will divide by zero."