Parental Role Enthusiast Gifts

Baby, baby maker

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"My mom can be a little over-protective ... "

'I'm really tired of hearing about her pious children, the angel food cake.'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

'From what you describe, it looks like it's my dad who has the Maternal Instinct...'

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"I'm having an identity crisis. I can't keep track of whether I'm Nana, Mimi, or Grandma Wolcott."

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

Next On The Agenda

"I find it very significant that you would rather play house."

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

'You can go play at Kevin's house if it's all right with your attorney.'

'I won't meet your demands for an allowance increase, so maybe you should become a free agent.'

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

"Shouldn't you be reading a book?"

"Just remember, we switch back before we get to town."

"Yes, it is an impressive collection. I was just wondering if you have any trophies which aren't from your Mum."

"I'm afraid you could do better work in order to get your daughter into this school."

I'm into attachment parenting. What's that? Making your whole life revolve around the child 24/7, and breastfeeding it till it's a toddler. It's all the rage. I see. HOJ. I see one big problem with this. Way ahead of you. I've ordered a French orphan. You don't have breasts.

'They're little wonders-they got my husband up and out of the house in no time!'

'I learned in school today that you two have been living your lives all wrong.'