Parental Role Analyst Gifts

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Baby, baby maker

A boy and his spin patrol.

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

Breasts for the men

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

"I'm having an identity crisis. I can't keep track of whether I'm Nana, Mimi, or Grandma Wolcott."

The Russians build another wall.

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

"Philip has questioned my stewardship."

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

Baby boomerang.

"In my day, if you colluded with anyone, Dad went for his belt."

"Jimmy has helicoptor parents."

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'

"Shouldn't you be reading a book?"

Boy wonders what would happen if his dad's computer got a virus.

"They shouldn't show all this sex on TV. Kids will learn from it. "

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

'They're little wonders-they got my husband up and out of the house in no time!'

'...may your union be blessed with children...and for those of us who believe in ATTACHMENT PARENTING, could they please do so now!'

Those aren't voices in your head. Those are your parents.

'I'm not sure that this degree of competition is entirely healthy.'

'Son, I want you to be successful and able to survive in this tough world. That's why I'm feeding you with raw meat.'

"We expecting your mother tonight?"

"That's the trouble when you visit your parents - no matter how old you are they end up treating you like a child again."

The new Teen Drive Bungee: Keeps your teen within a three-mile radius of home!

'My parents want me to go to a Poison Ivy School.'

I'm going upstairs! Me too. I hate mom's book group. Talk about annoying chat rooms!

"You're the reason nations fail."