Parental Role Analyst Pillows

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Baby, baby maker

A boy and his spin patrol.

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

Breasts for the men

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"

The Russians build another wall.

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"Philip has questioned my stewardship."

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

"I'm having an identity crisis. I can't keep track of whether I'm Nana, Mimi, or Grandma Wolcott."

Baby boomerang.

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'

"In my day, if you colluded with anyone, Dad went for his belt."

"Jimmy has helicoptor parents."

"Shouldn't you be reading a book?"

'...may your union be blessed with children...and for those of us who believe in ATTACHMENT PARENTING, could they please do so now!'

'They're little wonders-they got my husband up and out of the house in no time!'

Boy wonders what would happen if his dad's computer got a virus.

"They shouldn't show all this sex on TV. Kids will learn from it. "

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

'I'm not sure that this degree of competition is entirely healthy.'

'Son, I want you to be successful and able to survive in this tough world. That's why I'm feeding you with raw meat.'

"We expecting your mother tonight?"

"That's the trouble when you visit your parents - no matter how old you are they end up treating you like a child again."

The new Teen Drive Bungee: Keeps your teen within a three-mile radius of home!

'My parents want me to go to a Poison Ivy School.'

'Well Mother, I see you're still trying to make me feel guilty.'

"You're the reason nations fail."