Parental Preparation Pioneers Gifts

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"How is it gendered?"

'The stuka brought you.'

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"Congratulations, you're expecting triplets."

The conversion.

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

"Does it come with instructions?"

Baby Shower

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'Two heads are better than one'?"

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

"I couldn't find the off switch."

Heimlich's Mother's Maneuvers

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Which one's mine?!"

Designer Baby.