Parental Negotiator Gifts

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

Surface Tension

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."

'I flatly refuse to give him fringe benefits before dinner!'

Stroll a Kid: $10 One Hour, $6 1/2 Hour.

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'

"But I'm not even tir..."

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

"Do you have any other snack concepts?"