Toddler Negotiator Gifts

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"Houston, we have a problem!"

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Let's arbitrate.'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

"Come pick me up. This is going nowhere,"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

"Ok mummy, perhaps this isn't so crummy!"

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

"This tantrum has been powerful, honest and riveting, and I think we should just give him what he wants."

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'