Childhood Negotiator Gifts

A child angry at a co-worker for dropping their goods

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"I'll go back to school if you go back to the office."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

'Let's arbitrate.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

"Come pick me up. This is going nowhere,"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"Ok mummy, perhaps this isn't so crummy!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"