Parental Negotiators Gifts

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

Surface Tension

'Let's get ready for daycare!!'

'I'd like to get a new cat but I have a husband.'

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'

"Do you have any other snack concepts?"

"Working from home he misses his meetings."

Stroll a Kid: $10 One Hour, $6 1/2 Hour.

"Mom said you should empty the dishwasher since I helped her update her phone and computer. It pays to be smart."

'I flatly refuse to give him fringe benefits before dinner!'

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'

'No, Billy, I distinctly said that if you mow the lawn you can halve your allowance. That's why we ask for things in writing.'