Parent-child Negotiation Pro Gifts

"Last week my dad sent me two messages asking how I was, so I accused him of being a control freak. This week he hasn't texted me at all...why is he neglecting me?!"

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

Surface Tension

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

"I see your problem, honey. You're doing everything 'waterfall'. You should switch to 'agile'."

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'

"But I'm not even tir..."

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'