Parent-child Negotiation Pro Pillows

"Last week my dad sent me two messages asking how I was, so I accused him of being a control freak. This week he hasn't texted me at all...why is he neglecting me?!"

"I'll go back to school if you go back to the office."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

'Early to bed and early to rise. I like a saying with an escape clause.'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

Surface Tension

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

"But I'm not even tir..."

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

Where did you hide my laptop? Hint: You'll never find it. So obvious, dad. Under his dirty laundry. No chores all week if you don't tell.

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

"I see your problem, honey. You're doing everything 'waterfall'. You should switch to 'agile'."

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'