Child Negotiator Pillows

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

'Let's arbitrate.'

"Come pick me up. This is going nowhere,"

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

"Ok mummy, perhaps this isn't so crummy!"

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'