Young Negotiator Pillows

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"The teacher says I'm a poor listener, Dad. Will you raise my allowance?"

'We had a meaningful confrontation, and I lost.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

The best way to handle parents is to get them into jurisdictional disputes.

"Can you lend me a book?"

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

I'd like to have a sleep-over in exchange for cleaning my room, but we'll see if mom is open to negotiations.

"Okay, it's a deal...you two pay me the same amount as your parents are, and I'll let you stay up an extra two hours."

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

SALE

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'