Young Negotiator Pillows

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"The teacher says I'm a poor listener, Dad. Will you raise my allowance?"

'We had a meaningful confrontation, and I lost.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

"Can you lend me a book?"

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

I'd like to have a sleep-over in exchange for cleaning my room, but we'll see if mom is open to negotiations.

"Okay, it's a deal...you two pay me the same amount as your parents are, and I'll let you stay up an extra two hours."

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

SALE

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'