Youth Negotiator Pillows

"My salary market survey reveals that the Nelsons pay two dollars an hour more than you, and their kids are much easier to babysit."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

SALE

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"What I miss during school holidays is not going out on strike every Friday."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'I'm guessing it'll have to be by text.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

"Good news! The White House has agreed to negotiate with us on that $400 mil in cuts!" "What do you have to give up next time... the other arm or a leg...?"

"Okay, it's a deal...you two pay me the same amount as your parents are, and I'll let you stay up an extra two hours."

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

"Remember: Say what you mean, but don't mean what you say."

The Minor Issue

Girl to mother: 'Don't call me a teenager. From now on, I want to be referred to as a pre-adult.'

'I just think everyone in the family should have the same rights and privileges.'

Courting The Youth Vote

"The teacher says I'm a poor listener, Dad. Will you raise my allowance?"

'Don't get me wrong, I love children. I'm just not ready to hire them.'