Teenage Negotiator Pillows

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

SALE

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"Cupcakes for the judge? You're new here, aren't you?"

'Let's arbitrate.'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

"Come pick me up. This is going nowhere,"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Ok mummy, perhaps this isn't so crummy!"

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'