Parental Leave Pillows

"Good news. I can extend your maternity leave by two days...Saturday and Sunday."

'Ahhh...'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

"You've spent lots of time with your family. It's time you got a job!"

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

Newborn Chaos

'Still having problems finding day care?'

Laptops

Mother racing to work for a company with day care and a health club.

"What's this about having time off to spawn?"

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'Good God! You want paternity leave again! That'll be the sixth time this year!'

'When I want to watch a realistic comedy about a working mom, I'll look in the mirror.'

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"This paternity leave plays havoc with your handicap."

Boss

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

We're visiting the marine who's home on leave. Bye! Don't hurry! Sweet! We can hang here! Mmm

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'