Paternity Leave Pioneer Pillows

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Ahhh...'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Go away, he's not done playing Cowboys and Indians yet."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'Now this is my kind of green!'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"How is it gendered?"

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

Baby Race.

'I would like to see a little less adventure in this business venture.'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

Newborn Chaos

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

Laptops

'That's the first nickel I took in!'

Mother racing to work for a company with day care and a health club.

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'Well, I guess it's your father's fault for mounting that backboard on the barn in the first place. ... OK, one game...'

"What's this about having time off to spawn?"

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

'This is where we shed all our inhibitions.'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.