Parental Leave Lover Pillows

'Good God! You want paternity leave again! That'll be the sixth time this year!'

'Ahhh...'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'It seats two comfortably.'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"What's this about having time off to spawn?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'I still say it would be faster if we had a four-wheel drive.'

Boss

"This paternity leave plays havoc with your handicap."

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"You've spent lots of time with your family. It's time you got a job!"

Your angel is always with you

Go Back to New York

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

"Good news. I can extend your maternity leave by two days...Saturday and Sunday."

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning an SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

"Will people ever say of me - he made his mark?"

'My wife says it's compulsory - that the Queen made a speech about it.'

'What happened to your paternity leave?'

Man with a piggy bank in a car with 'Just Leased' written on the back.

'Paternity leave problem solved?'

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"

Wayside Elementary School - Now Available: Curbside Pickup!

"I've tried everything, but my gas mileage is terrible."