Parental Influence Ponderer Pillows

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Max Weber

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'My kids don't understand me.'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"