Parental Influence Ponderer Gifts

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Max Weber

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Caption Contest TK

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'