Parental Pressure Ponderer Pillows

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

New dunce caps

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

Ingredients: me

Baby Philosophy.

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

"We think he needs more individual neglect."

"Just a pear? Is that all you're having for dinner?"

"Apparently, Philip and his imaginary playmate are more or less the same weight and size."