Parental Pressure Ponderer Pillows

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

New dunce caps

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

Ingredients: me

Baby Philosophy.

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

"We think he needs more individual neglect."

"Apparently, Philip and his imaginary playmate are more or less the same weight and size."