Parental Guessers Gifts

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

Apprehensive about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, Michelle scales back her romantic dinner with Al.

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'Except...That.'

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"How did my mom know I went to get ice cream after school? She's either placed a tracking device on me, or she's tracking my phone."

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"Any chance I could put myself up for adoption?"

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"Don't make me come over there."

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

'I made this Valentine's card for you in school, mom. What the world needs is more love, and less homework.'

'After the day I've had at the office, I'm expected to stir my own tea!'

"How'd you do on your test?"

"According to this, we just keep it alive until it can take care of itself—between seventeen and forty-five years."

'It's all over! Warm up the bus!'

"Do you have any other snack concepts?"

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

Easter Bunny Nursery

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"