Parental Guessers Pillows

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'Except...That.'

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"How did my mom know I went to get ice cream after school? She's either placed a tracking device on me, or she's tracking my phone."

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

"Don't make me come over there."

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

'I made this Valentine's card for you in school, mom. What the world needs is more love, and less homework.'

"How'd you do on your test?"

'After the day I've had at the office, I'm expected to stir my own tea!'

"According to this, we just keep it alive until it can take care of itself—between seventeen and forty-five years."

'It's all over! Warm up the bus!'

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!

"Do you have any other snack concepts?"

The Baby in the Theatre

"Wow! Wait'll I tell Dr. Feldman about this dream!"