Parental Friend Pillows

'Anyone want to learn how to do a leg sweep? How about a roundhouse kick? it's ok, your parents know who I am!'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Holding hands

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.