Friends Of Parents Pillows

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"It was great seeing you – we'll have to have you two over once the kids have grown up and left for college."

"Next time, YOU can tell him to go on the naughty step."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

Young Gums

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Bouncing baby

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

It was a good idea to let the kids bring their friends...

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Home haircuts for the family portrait.'

Beware of teething baby.

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'Mom, Dad, this is Jennifer. We met early one morning and fell in love.'

Toy 4x4: Now with real emissions!

"Go, take the afternoon off, I'll babysit: he'll be safe with me..."

'He's been having temper tantrums. Can you recommend a good anger management course?'

"Now, remember...don't tell Daddy you designed the software he uses at work... I want him to get to know you first!"

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

"We walked him a lot when he was a puppy. . . now he walks us."

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

If money talks, then how come silence is golden?

Phil discovered the eighties disco was not quite what he'd expected

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"