Parental Chaos Enthusiast Pillows

'It's the Neighbourhood Watch..."

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

Supermom meets her match - super kid.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

Two children play with a pedal bin

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

Feeding the baby

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'