Parent Remarrying Gifts

Oldest sibling is last to know about Dad's new girlfriend.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"Sure, I'd get married again, but who wants a she-wolf with two adopted children?"

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"He just married me on the rebound."

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

'How about June? -- I've always had June weddings!'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

"I really think Diana is going to be my watershed wife."

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.