Parent Group Leaders Gifts

Never underestimate the power of parents in groups. Built by the Stonehenge Playground Committee.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

Von Trapp family masks

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Welcome to Teamville, Population: 7 ... great people to work with.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"These safety goggles are sucking the fun out of the sandbox."

Soccer Moms

'My mother made me apply.'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

Before birds and bees,

Self Harm Support.

"Aw, come on, Dad! Chill out!"

We couldn't convince the football players to give up their bottled water. Hmpf. As eco club president

'My drug problem is a little different. I'm being drug to P.T.A meetings, drug to little league practice, drug to dance rehersal, drug to...'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

'Where's the chapter on 'Because I said so'?'

"By our estimates, it's going to take two villages to raise Joey."

"I don't care that he's an e-commerce whatever. How dare he offer ME a job?"

"Don't sweat it. That's Little League—your dad comes, you choke."

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

'She's a new school principal with 'old school' principles.'

Michael Gove at the Head Teachers' Conference: 'Mr Gove. We're not angry, we're just disappointed.'

"He says he no longer recognizes our mandate."

Kids watching television, "I've just seen a nipple it must be nine o' clock!"

'Guess what? Our club voted to become a gang!'

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

"I make the decisions, Jeremy, because I'm the grown-up."

'You're not living up to your potential!'